Things can kill you. So just keep that in mind, you fearless know-it-alls.
Eugene Mirman
Lexington High School Commencement 2009, 2009
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Buried in Mirman's list of comic life tips was this brutally honest observation directed at the specific audience of high school seniors — a demographic historically characterized by feelings of invincibility. Where most commencement speakers encourage graduates to be bold and fearless, Mirman went the opposite direction: a friendly reminder that mortality exists. The affectionate insult 'fearless know-it-alls' perfectly captured how adults see teenagers and how teenagers see themselves. It was simultaneously a roast, a compliment, and genuine concern. The humor made the advice memorable in a way that a sincere lecture about risk assessment never could. Mirman's entire speech was a high-wire act of comedy that managed to be genuinely useful. His closing, quoting Rick Nelson's 'Garden Party' — 'You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself' — landed as legitimate wisdom precisely because it came after five minutes of proving that the best way to connect with people is to be authentically, unapologetically yourself.