Humorous

You are now entering a world filled to the brim with idiots. Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots.

Pursuing your dream, I believe, is the path you should follow. If you follow that road, you might not end up at your dream, but you will end up doing something that gives you immense satisfaction.

Make no mistake about it, you are dumb. You're a group of incredibly well-educated dumb people. There are some screwups headed your way. It's a combination of life being unpredictable, and you being super dumb.

Relax, dude! You just finished college at Harvard. You worked so hard. Trust me, you're gonna kill it.

Make good art. Husband runs off with a politician? Make good art. Leg crushed and then eaten by mutated boa constrictor? Make good art.

Take your risks now. As you grow older, you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally — I hurt my knee on the treadmill this week and it wasn't even on.

Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.

Ask for guidance before you commit the crime. Trust me, it is much less embarrassing to ask for help privately than to beg for forgiveness at graduation.

If I could get the help I needed to get a B minus in statistics at graduate school at Harvard, there is hope for world peace.

Listen to that inner voice. It's always a good move to listen to that inner voice... if it doesn't lead to a crime.

When you try to please everybody, you're going to lose your ass.

Life is too short to have anything but delusional notions about yourself.