Find allies rather than adorers. Adorers are people who fawn over you but never tell you when you screw up. Instead, seek out allies who are honest with you when you feel you are not living up to your potential.
Marissa Mayer
Illinois Institute of Technology Commencement 2009, 2009
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Mayer drew a sharp and memorable distinction between two types of people you can surround yourself with. Adorers make you feel good in the moment — they're easy to be around and they validate your choices. But they offer nothing when it matters most, because they'll never tell you the uncomfortable truth. Allies, by contrast, will tell you when you've fallen short. They challenge you to be the best version of yourself, even when that means delivering feedback you don't want to hear. Mayer credited the allies in her own life — people who gave her honest, sometimes painful assessments — with pushing her to achieve things she never would have reached in a bubble of praise. The distinction resonated because it requires genuine courage to choose allies over adorers. Most people gravitate toward those who make them comfortable. Mayer was arguing for the counterintuitive choice: seek out the people who make you uncomfortable, because they're the ones who will help you grow.
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