Rosenblatt — the acclaimed essayist and memoirist — delivered a speech that was entirely satirical, a mock list of 'exciting opportunities' available to college graduates. The speech parodied both the commencement genre and American public life, with each 'job suggestion' serving as a pointed critique. The targets included the presidency ('Recent grads would make excellent U.S. Presidents because they usually are single, and can get into less trouble than a married President'), the Drug Czar ('a most enjoyable and relaxing job' requiring 'no effort' and demanding 'no successes'), and celebrity lawyers ('Just be sure to shout, interrupt and call your opponents idiots'). The satire was sharpened by deadpan delivery — Rosenblatt never broke character, maintaining the voice of a sincere career counselor throughout.